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Startling New Poll Results from Civitas: Voters Oppose Pork!!

Our good buddies at the Pope-Civitas shop released another of their fair and balanced polls today. Click here for the release. Here's an alternative draft:  

NEWS RELEASE

Raleigh, N.C. — North Carolina politics were thrown into a state of disarray today with the release of shocking new poll results from experts at the conservative watchdog group, the J.W. Pope Civitas Institute. According to the group's new "DecisionMaker Poll," only 13% of North Carolinians support unnecessary and burdensome tax increases that directly limit their ability to buy food. Only 7% favor wasteful and counter-productive government spending on corrupt pork barrel projects purchased with cash campaign contributions.

According to Farr Wright, Director of the Institute's J.W. Pope Center for Freedom and the Innovative Support for the Ultra-Conservative Wing of the N.C. Republican Party (JWPCFISUCWNCRP), the poll results show that "North Carolinians are mad as heck with corrupt, liberal democrat politicians and have decided that now is the time abolish state government as we know it." "The colonists did pretty well only checking in with the King every couple of months or so," said Wright, "we think these results show that North Carolinians are ready to revive that model." 

Wright reported that the results from the new poll were so encouraging to his organization that his staff was already at work on a series of follow-up questions for next month. Among the questions under consideration:

1) Which policy option would you prefer: a direct tax cut for you and your family that will dramatically increase the choices and freedom in your life or a corrupt tax hike that will be used to directly line the pockets of corrupt politicians in Raleigh and to purchase a flat screen TV and an iPod for every inmate in the state prison system?

2) If it were demonstrated that politicians and the education establishment had a corrupt desire to use traditional public schools to brainwash your children into believing in same-sex marriage, would you support a proposal to lift the state's cap on the number of innovative beacons of freedom known as charter schools?

3) In light of the fact that mass transit has been shown to be a part of an international plot to impose a collectivist, one-world government, do you support a plan to pave all of North Carolina east of I-95?

"This last one may prove controversial," said Wright, "but we're here to ask the tough questions that others are afraid to ask."

-30-    

2 Comments


  1. Anglico

    May 14, 2007 at 7:57 pm

    Very funny.

  2. sturner

    May 15, 2007 at 12:54 pm

    Dear Mr. Schofield,
    So this is what passes for humor amongst you and your liberal elite friends.

    Never in the entire age of earth…which our scholars have confirmed is 6000 years…have we read such disagreeable twaddle.

    Good day,
    The Resident Scholars at the
    Civitas Institute

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