What A Friend We Have In Cheeses

My Virginia classmate Tina Fey wrote that – when she was about seven. I’m not above cadging a line from a comic genius, even if it is a bit musty. It sprang to mind this afternoon as I cruised North Carolina newspapers’ websites, looking for their local takes on the House’s budget debate. The Asheville Citizen-Times caught my eye with the headline “‘Gay agenda to be debated in Asheville”. For all the conservative hand-wringing, I hadn’t realized there actually is a gay agenda. I remain unenlightened, for here is the full text:

‘The Asheville-Buncombe Community Relations Council is sponsoring a debate about the ‘gay agenda’ 7-9 p.m. today.

The free event is open the public and will be held at the Unitarian Universalist Church of Asheville, 1 Edwin Place, at Charlotte Street. Organizers are hoping for ‘an open and searching community dialogue on contemporary lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer issues,’ they said in a statement.”

So, no agenda, just issues. That hasn’t stopped people from commenting on the – can I even call it an article? – news release. There are enough comments to fill 5 pages. My favorite explains that “God created all of us with a free will to cheese and do as we please.” That God, always with the cheese. Who has time for an agenda when we have to wrestle daily with the weighty choices of havarti or gruyere, Roquefort or Stilton, cheddar or a homely colby? I know I don’t. This reminds me of when Mike Ovitz accused David Geffen of being part of Hollywood’s powerful homosexual mafia. I’m still waiting for more on that one, too. None of this bears on the problems of Larry the Lecherous Landlord and his tenant, Dickensian Danny the Disabled Student, but it’s nice to get our heads out of Raleigh every once in a while, if only to ponder the possibility of other agendas for a moment.