The Progressive Pulse

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IBXer 18 Dec 2009 8:50 am

Pass the Kool-Aid, please.

gregflynn 18 Dec 2009 10:59 am

The life of a conservative curmudgeon is draining, arising early each day to smack down Chris’ “Top of the morning” into a bottomless pit of despair.  In repetition the brain wanes, drawn inexorably to the same jaded rejoinders. Like a weary moth drawn to the dying embers of a once fiery flame, redolent of the acrid odor of ancient brimstone, the mind circles the same spot and, slowly sinking in a slough of despond, sentences contract toward a single monosyllabic slur.

In the spirit of Christmahanukwanzaa we offer a ray of hope, a modest drop from our bleeding liberal hearts. The Scott Pakin automatic complaint-letter generator does all the dirty work. The verbal equivalent of Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory it takes any ingredient and fashions it into a voluminous ready-made misanthropic comment, no two alike. Enjoy the link and the following example:

The nature and extent of our current national crisis, as well as its causes and cures, are the subject of intense political struggle. I offer this letter as a contribution to that struggle and debate in hopes of helping to examine the social and cultural conditions that lead Progressives to impose a one-size-fits-all model on how society should function. One of the first facts we should face is that if I seem a bit filthy, it’s only because I’m trying to communicate with it on its own level. Some of Progressives’s arguments are so convoluted that they require a dictionary, a decoder ring, and a team of scholars to decipher. That’s pretty transparent. What’s not so transparent is the answer to the following question: Where do inhumane spielers like Progressives come from, and what are we going to do with them? A clue might be that anyone—you or I or a Martian just arrived in a flying saucer—who wants to provide you with vital information that Progressives has gone to great lengths to prevent you from discovering should realize that you don’t need to be a rocket scientist to detect the subtext of this letter. But just in case it’s too subliminal for some, let me thrust it into your face right here: I would never take a job working for Progressives. Given its nutty propositions, who would want to? Let me close by reminding you that Progressives frequently engages in violent fantasies involving vitriolic spouters.

Anybody else like a drink of hot chocolate apple cider kool-aid eggnog from the unity cup?

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