Show of hands, who had “threesome with the pool boy” being the tawdry career-ender for Jerry Falwell Jr.?
Whoa. That’s a lot of hands.
Nother words, no real surprise here. Jerry Junior and wife, Becki, have been the pious poster couple for family values (despite a noticeable whiff of skeeve) for decades. Wasn’t it just a month ago we saw Junior’s cozy pic posing with a pregnant friend—both wearing unzipped pants and broad grins?
And it was just four years ago Junior and the missus endorsed pal Donald Trump at the Republican National Convention where they spread tidings of great joy… and possibly Chlamydia. Kidding! All that chlorine kills germs. Just ask Surgeon General in Waiting The My Pillow Guy.
Through it all, Falwell Junior has manned up and taken responsibility for….whoa! I crack myself up. Of COURSE he didn’t. He instead allowed as how his wife had an affair with the pool boy for many years. You could say she made him a pool man. In other words, his wife sinned and he knew about it and she’s a Jezebel and that’s why he’s resigning. Uh huh.
The pool boy, who was nowhere near as dumb as he looks, supplied Reuters with proof that Junior was a, uh, witness to the shenanigans but so far Falwell has emphatically denied the “I like to watch” scenario. And if that mental image doesn’t make you wash out your eyes with vodka, nothing will.
Falwell Junior has found support of a sort in a most unexpected place: liberals. Not all of us, mind you, but quite a few. Social media is ablaze with reminders that what consenting adults do in their own lavish hotel bedrooms on the dime of a university that demonizes homosexuals and non-virgins is no one else’s business.
And it’s a big but. I cannot lie.
If you’re going to set yourself up as a godly man who stands for strict Biblical principles then you hadn’t oughta watch the pool boy diddle your wife over a period of many years because that is the Biblical definition of hypocrisy.
I was starting to feel a little bad for Becki (don’t you know she prolly still dots her “i’s with a little heart?) but that was before I saw her interview with first daughter-in-law Lara Trump, taped a year ago, in which she bragged about instilling the youth at Liberty University with morals and values. This is, to quote Aunt Verlie, leaving the rat to guard the cheese.
But that wasn’t the best part of the “interview.” No, the best part was when Becki giddily shared how her husband’s favorite musician is Elton John. Hmmmm. Do you want to tell Junior or should I?
For now, Liberty is leaderless. Then again, it has been for some time. And my guess is the legion of defenders of Falwell and his phony religiosity will disappear like, well, suntan lotion on a bronzed back.
Celia Rivenbark can’t stop laughing at Twitter’s description of Donald Trump Jr.’s girlfriend, Kimberly Guilfoyle, as “Great Value Melania.”