Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Trump must never watch “Snakes on a Plane”

President Donald Trump’s bizarre claims that “thugs wearing black” boarded a commercial flight in order to create mayhem in some U.S. city or the other left even his allies confused earlier this week.

Why did this sound so familiar? Ahhhh, a viral Facebook post from last June that stirred fears that a violent far-left mob was intent upon wreaking havoc apparently from their seats in coach. It was, obviously, race-baitin’ hooey.

A few months later, Trump appeared to repeat the story to Fox News as though sharing a delicious secret. What’s next? Oh, I have an idea…

Trump: There were snakes. And they were just pouring out of the overhead, what do you call it, bins? Yes, bins. And there was a Black gentleman on the plane. And he had a gun. And he was very tough but he was also very afraid and he used a word twice that is a very bad word. You know. To describe the snakes on the plane. Only I’m leaving out the very bad word…He actually used the word to describe both the snakes and the plane. Huh.”

While Trump makes no secret of his affection for watching TV, let’s make a pact—all of us—to make sure he is kept away from all airplane-related movies.

Trump: OK, Steve, I know it’s early there at Fox & Friends but I just saw where…and I can’t believe I’m saying this…there’s a pilot who’s really nervous because he shouldn’t be flying an airplane and there’s a really pretty stewardess—a solid 9, you know what I’m saying? And they are going to hurt everybody on the plane because they aren’t taking it seriously. I mean, somebody should do something. The worst part is there’s this guy who gets sooooo mad because the other guy calls him Shirley…And, you know I don’t see race. Never see it at all. But there’s a really tall Black man on the plane…”

Steve Doocy: Mr. President, I believe that sounds like the spoof film “Airplane!” And I think you’re talking about Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

Trump: But that’s not all, Laura.

Steve: Still Steve here, Mr. President.

Trump: OK, all I’m saying is there’s a lot of stuff going on in airplanes across this country. And people are saying sleepy Joe Biden’s behind it all. Many people have told me…”

Chris Wallace: “Sir, that’s not true…”

Trump: “Wait. Why is the short guy here? Where’s my Foxy friends? This guy is always out to get me with his fake news…”

Chris Wallace: “Again, not true, Mr. President…”

Trump: “OK, look. I’m just saying that there’s a drug addicted Black man who’s the pilot and nobody knows he’s like all hopped up or something. You can look at his eyes…”

Chris Wallace: “Are you talking about Denzel Washington in “Flight”?

Trump: “No, this guy is Antifa. And he’s a drug addict. And he’s flying to Des Moines to destroy our great law enforcement because that’s what the left does…it’s really very sad, Laura.”

Celia Rivenbark thinks we need less Trump, more Sully.

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