A constituent reaches out to Senator Richard Burr

Dear Senator Burr:

I am writing to see how I can subscribe to your Stock Tips Newsletter. I heard on the news Friday morning that you had a Subscribers’ Luncheon on Feb. 27 to share some hot tips and then I learned this afternoon how you – what’s the word? … leveraged? – your government-acquired information into some nifty stock trades just ahead of the current market collapse. I thought that type of thing was illegal! But, what do I know?? That’s the whole point – I want to have the benefit of your taxpayer-paid-for insights!!

I have known for a long time that you don’t really care much about the Common Constituent and I was feeling some kind of way about it until I realized I could buy my way out and become an Upgraded Constituent receiving insider government information! It seems the entry level subscription is $500. I’m all in!!

I, like you, am heading toward retirement. For me it was going to be in three months but I may be having to review that now. For you I imagine it can’t come soon enough and I’m inclined to agree with you. If I’d just subscribed soon enough to make the luncheon I may not have lost 30% of my retirement money. But while I and most other North Carolinians have watched our money evaporate, you were sitting pretty!! I know our President has made Greed fashionable and you have raised it to a new level. I admire that! Burr First!!

Please reply quickly as I think the Market is going to keep falling. Question: If I can’t scrape together the $500 at that point, will you accept EBT? I can link to an off-shore account if need be. No judgment here!


Born and raised in Fayetteville, Toby McCoy is a psychologist who has dedicated his professional career to helping military families and poor women struggling with addiction. He lives in Chapel Hill.