Commentary

(Painful) weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: The minority rules on abortion rights

Nearly 75 percent of Americans—men and women—say they don’t want Roe v. Wade overturned.

So how did we get here? How did we get to this place where Chinese factories are working overtime to make those white-bonneted, blood-red “handmaid” costumes for protesters to wear to rallies?

Usually if a law of the land is approved by nearly three-fourths of the American people for nearly a half century, it’s hard to imagine it being successfully dismantled by—and I mean this in the nicest possible way—the cruel, uneducated, snake-handling lunatic fringe.

But that’s how we got here. Politicians using Roe v. Wade as an emotional gut punch.

Nearly 75 percent don’t want this to happen, but it doesn’t seem to matter. Let that sink in. That’s a higher percentage than you’d get in any office setting on whether Cindy in Human Resource’s cake should be vanilla or chocolate frosting.

Interestingly, it’s the same percentage of Americans who believe in physician-assisted suicide and a little less than the percentage (83) who believe they should be able to get a prescription for medical marijuana from their own doctor. The percentage of Americans who want to leave Roe v. Wade alone is exactly the same as the percentage who think immigrants make our country better (!) and the percentage of NRA members who support background checks before any firearms purchase. (!!)

Nearly three quarters of the nation thinks Roe v. Wade isn’t broke and are wondering why it needs fixing.

This statistic should be enough to silence the, and, once again, I mean this in the nicest possible way, opportunistic, self-serving pond scum-sucking bottom-feeders in Congress who wouldn’t know a uterus from a U-haul or dystopia from dysentery.

While some resist the image of the protesting Handmaids, I don’t think it’s that far off the mark. We’re hurtling toward the cliff so is it any surprise so many of us are reacting by robing up and joking about how we’ll soon be known as “Of (our husband’s first name)”? It’s gallows humor, whistling by a graveyard where the headstones read: Here Lies Reproductive Rights. Here Lies A World Where A Woman and Her Doctor Make Decisions About Her Own Body Without Inviting Mitch McConnell to Sit In. Here Lies Affordable Family Planning, Cancer Screenings and Protection from Sexually Transmitted Diseases. Here Lies the Ability to End a Pregnancy That Resulted from Rape and Incest. Even if You are 12 Years Old. Here Lies Saving the Life of the Mother.

Celia Rivenbark

It should be noted that President Trump doesn’t even like those last two, which proves a broken clock is right twice a day AND a blind squirrel does, in fact, find a nut now and again.

Asked if he’d had any personal experience with abortion, Trump famously responded: “What an odd question to ask” and moved on. At last we agree. It’s no one’s business. Especially, and I say this in the nicest possible way, mildewy old men with broken prostates and dreams.

Celia Rivenbark is a New York Times-bestselling author and columnist. Visit www.celiarivenbark.com.

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