Commentary

Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: The prince of narcissism and his devoted flock

Lost in all the kerfuffle of not buying Greenland, proclaiming to be The Chosen One and callously reneging on a pledge to support background checks for gun sales last week was a delicious morsel from the man himself admitting ON VIDEO he likes to give himself imaginary awards inside his own head and then announce that he received them as though they are fact.

“I give it to myself. I give myself awards. It’s not deceptive because I gave it to myself…” Among the awards he claims as legit: An Emmy for singing the “Green Acres” theme, the Man of the Year in Michigan, the Republican of the Year, numerous environmental protection awards (sorry; I just choked on my unsustainably sourced nachos hearing that one); Nobel prize nominations, golf tournament wins that never actually happened…

This explains so, so much.

Until this was made public, every time a fantastical claim would come from Trump’s mouth, sensible folk would pause, weigh its veracity, then sigh heavily and move on.

But to see him, yes, with my own “lying eyes” explaining how he gives himself awards and honors inside his own head and then proudly, without any remorse or conscience repeats them as a real thing was honestly a revelation.

The rare moment of candor was in a video snippet aired on MSNBC, which, I’ll admit isn’t always utterly unbiased. I know. I crack myself up. But there he was, in a video from 2011 explaining how it all works.

And yet. Not even this absolutely crazy-making statement from Trump matters to his flock. Does this mean if the president is supposed to set an example for all of us (such a quaint concept from back in the day) we should all simply make up our own double-stuffed life of lies? Imagine watercooler convos bragging of advanced degrees (Cambridge!), fat bank accounts (“many billion, yes, with a “b”) and nightly talks with God, in which He appears beside our beds–a fuzzy, bearded apparition begging us for our advice and friendship?

Speaking of God, there’s a revelatory “New York Times” article that finally answers the question that has plagued us since the golden elevator days: Why would Christians hitch their wagon to Trump’s morally questionable carcass? What do they see in him?

Turns out, while Trump is repugnant to many evangelicals, they stick with him because his scorched earth approach to dealing with his’n enemies is called for to save their conservative agenda. In other words, as Jesus pointedly did not say anywhere in the New Testament: The end justifies the means.

Besides Trump isn’t all awful all the time. Heck, even Hitler made sure every German citizen owned a radio.

Like the Bible says: “Verily, you gotta crack a few eggs to make an omelet.”

I’m quoting from my Prosperity Bible, which God dictated to the Chrisley family while they partied at Sandals one week. I keep it beside my Pulitzer. And now that I’ve said it in my head, it’s true.

Celia Rivenbark is a New York Times-bestselling author and columnist. Visit www.celiarivenbark.com.

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