Hey there, stranger! It’s been a little minute since we last caught up. I see you’re out and about again, once more to the hustings and all that. It hurts me that no one has told you what you so clearly need to hear. I say this to you in a completely non-partisan way: You are a bad politician. You’re not good at seeing how to get what you want and/or need, or in the event that’s not possible, making sure that what you don’t want doesn’t happen, or failing even that modest goal – happens to everyone, no need to pretend otherwise – making sure that you come out with as much credit as possible. That’s politics, and you are really, really bad at it.
The GOP leadership of the NCGA didn’t consult you or respect you; they didn’t even bother to pretend they did. Remember when you and your lovely wife tried to get the puppy mill bill passed, and one senator said, “Angels in heaven cannot make that bill pass” at the same meeting where he bragged that it would succeed if it had his name on it? That really sucked. And still you carried water for them! Most notably on HB2, which you could easily have kept at arm’s length. Hoooo, boy, that mess spattered! It was unpopular and unnecessary and a PR disaster from the start. You were the only one who had to win statewide and you were its biggest defender! For no reason! Seriously, how could you not see it?
Honestly, bud, the playgrounds of North Carolina are full of better politicians than you. Interesting point, most of them are girls. Negotiating competing interests to the point of mutual benefit or destruction is what girls do all day long. We call it “catfighting” instead of politics to deprive it of meaning so that those girls won’t grow up seeing that they have all the skills needed to run the whole world. I bet you never thought of it that way, right? Because you =/= a politician! Witness the way you keep setting up my matriarchy arguments. (Or am I setting YOU up? You don’t know!)
Why is no one on your side of the aisle willing to say this to you? They’re not your friends or even your allies if they won’t save you from yourself. Again, I am performing this public service in a completely non-partisan spirit. It’s not because I disagreed with the things you wanted to achieve, although obviously I did. I’m telling you in the hope that you’ll spare this state the embarrassing spectacle of this pity tour. Duke and Harvard won’t hire you because you’re a lesson, not a teacher. You can pretend to yourself all day long that Big Left is keeping you away from them, but, really, it’s because they’re paying good money for an education and actual experts will provide it. Honey, the Trump transition team, a veritable hotbed of incompetents, could see that you weren’t no good at the politics! Take a hint, stop running for office.
To recap, this is a classic good news, bad news situation. On the plus side, you’re an emperor (at last, a promotion!). Sadly, you’re naked, babe, and everyone can see it but no one will say it. Leave politics to the girls who are good at it. Be an elder statesman, get the puppy mill bill passed, use your stature for something positive. It’s time.